South Park: Stupid Kid Reviews Kid Icarus
by Godzilla2915
Summary: Just a short story. Cartman watches a video about a kid reviewing an old NES game. Yes he is the stereotypical Call of Duty fanboy. So expect cursing and annoyance. Not readable for anyone under 13.


**South Park: Stupid Kid Reviews Kid Icarus**

(Content) = on screen, if you're too stupid to know that.

Cartman had just got home from school; he walked to his computer and logged on. He decided to look around some video game reviews on Youtube. He found one that was done by a local kid. He clicked on it and saw a kid sitting on his desk with a pissed off look.

"Hello Hoes, I'm Johnny Smith. Today I'm reviewing a horrible game!"

He took out an old NES Cartridge. "This piece of poopy is called, 'Kid Icarus'. This has got to be the worst shit Nintendo pulled from their asses."

(Title Screen)

"You f**kers can already see the shittyness that Nintendo made. I can't even log into some Nintendo account!"

(He clicked the start button and saw he was on the first stage.)

"Hold on, what the Hell's wrong with the background. It's as black as the backgrounds of those old fat-ass games like in Chuck E. Cheeses!"

(He moved Pit around and shot some arrows)

"Well at least they added a gun."

(He climbed up and shot some Shemums)

"These snakes are too pussy! They die in just one hit!"

(He collected the hearts.)

"O.K, I collected some health and now I'm up against an otter. Wait, an otter? I thought this was supposed to be demons! What the matter, Nintendo, too much of sissies to add anything cool? Nerds! You know, I heard from some fatso in school that Kirby is satanic for eating souls, he's just a fatso named Cartmon. Hey, he's a stupid Pokemon!"

(He climbed up to a door and entered inside. He saw the item shop owner with three items.)

"Looks like this is a shop and … wait, the hearts are money?! What the Hell's wrong with this game? Hearts are supposed to fill your poopy life bar, not be money. What sort of gay game not use hearts as health?!"

(He looked at the three items for sale.)

"They have a barrel, a hammer, and a feather. But they're too expensive. Greedy-ass Nintendo!"

(He climbed up some more and found four Monoeyes)

"Beeeeeeeeewwwwwbssssssssss?! No, they're just eyes?" He sighed in annoyance. "What are you Nintendo; anti-anti-religious people that doesn't allow you to shoot beeeeewwwwwwwbsssssss?"

(He jumped toward a platform, but fell off and got the 'I'm Finished' screen.)

'…..whaaaaaaaaa?! I just got a game over after falling? But I was just down there. What sort of cheap cat ass is this?"

(The password screen was shown, but he quickly exited without noticing it.)

"Next thing you'll tell me that there's no saving allowed?"

(He restarted and started climbing up and reached a Reaper.)

"I know what this will do, give me a game over when it touches me."

(Reaper sees Pit and began dancing as the traditional music plays. Kid quickly grabs camera and showed a poorly surprised face.)

"It's dancing? I'm not a baby!"

(He then saw the four Reapettes)

"Those are babies!"

(He managed to get through the first stage.)

"Look at that low score, this game is rigged!"

(The next stage appeared)

"What the Hell's booger? It looks exactly the same!"

(He played through some more)

"You know, it's exactly the same as the last stage. They could have at least added some weapons or something. Or make it a first-person view."

(After climbing up some more, he died again.)

"Damn Dalmatian!"

(He heard his mother calling.)

"Honey, time for the doctor's appointment."

"Mommy, I don't need a doctor, I'm a man!"

"Get down here this instant!"

"F**k you mother! Listen to me!"

"O….O.K." So the mother acted like todays parents and gone against what actual good parents will do. The boy yelled a lot and took his NES and threw it to the ground. It didn't break, but it did unplug. Also the camera was recording all this time.

"Damn f**king mom! She can't tell me what to do! Who does she think she is?" The kid plugged the console back in and started the game. "Well at least the game automatically saves like any nor…"

The kid looked around the options and found no save points, only the password section. "What the Hell's this?! They used passwords and not save points? Even the Legend of Gay-da used saving! But this ….. when the Hell did they even showed passwords?"

The kid started yelling and screaming. "You know what; screw the rest of the game! I don't need to play through it all to know that this is a horrible f**king game. Its internet is not working, the enemies are kiddy, its Nintendo, you die too much, there's no save, hearts are money, everything's too expensive in the game, the Grim Reaper is gay, the background is not there, and there's no Beeeeeeewwwwwwwbsssssssss!"

The kid then picked the camera up and walked outside. He walked through town as people was asking what the camera is for. "Shut up old persons, I'm a young guy!"

He entered inside a Wal-Mart.

"Welcome to Wal-mart." Greeted one of Cartman's friend Grandpa named Marvin Marsh

"Shut up and Die!"

He walked over to the game section and aimed the camera to a 'Kid Icarus: Uprising' copy. "Just when you think a shitty game will die in the first game, they made a second game called Uprising! And I saw a picture of Lady Palutena, her beeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwbsssssssssss are too covered!"

He started jumping up and down while giving a tantrum. "Why the Hell will they make a second?! I bet Uprising is the most shittyess of all of Nintendo!"

He moved the camera up to his face where the inside of his nose could be seen. Yes it's not clean.

"But do you know the worst thing about Kid Icarus? They, Nintendo, the so-called savior of video game; dare made the game with shitty, GRAAAAAAAPHIIIIIIIIIIIIIICSSSSSSS! How cheap are these people over in China!? They can't even make a game that actually looks like this masterpiece!?"

He took the camera over to a, you guess it, Call of Duty game and started calming down. "Why can't that game have good graphics like Call of Duty? People keep saying that Nintendo makes great games, but tell me this Youtube, did a Nintendo console ever had a FPS game? I don't think so!"

The kid took a deep breath. "Don't waste your money on Kid Icarus, you should save it for the brand new Call of Duty game, 'Call of Duty: 47'. They're so good that they're releasing two sequels in the same week! They're gonna have so many downloadable contents to buy on line!"

The Kid sneezed on the camera. "I don't know what these Nintendo fanboys think in their games. I bet that story of Nintendo saving the Video Game business is all just a lie. The next thing they're going to say is that the imaginary disease, autism, is real."

"This is Johnny Smith! Signing out."

(One day later)

Cartman is sitting at home, watching Television. He mother then came in. "Oh sweety; I heard that your fello schoolmate, Johnny Smith, was attacked by a bear holding a chainsaw that jumped right into his bedroom."

"Yeah mom, whatever." said Cartman while trying not to laugh.

**End, except for this message**

Cartman is sitting on a chair watching the reader. "Hello, this is an important message about the awareness of …. damn kids just like the one I killed. Yeah you thought this was about autism after what the kid said, whatever that is. That was just to show everyone why they all need to die.

Cartman cleared his throat and took out a sheet of paper. "These children are too damn stupid to realizing what gaming is all about. It's about fun and enjoying the master piece the creators brought us. Not about cash cows that want only money and knows the kids are too stupid to realize this. But there is another reason why they must be killed with fire.

He turned over the paper. "These kids are becoming too stupid that when the economy finally dies and America is in a great depression again, they will be all be bitching about too much work and not having countless of Call of Duty games. Then a Nazi bastard will tell them that it's the Jews faults so the kids will start worshiping that Nazi a…. wait a minute! What the Hell are you making me say? I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Cartman ran toward some people, but then he was tasered. Before Cartman passed out, he said one final sentence. "Any actual people who are not assholes and actually named Johnny Smith, Godzilla2915 says sorry, but not me."


End file.
